Posts Tagged ‘ouch’

Easy Velvet

Last month I told my girlfriends that I had never been on a horse. Refusing to believe it, they quickly scheduled a day to take me out and break me.    

same hair


After signing the liability waiver and being told that I didn’t really need a helmet on my first time riding, and that I “should be ok, as long as I don’t fall off and break my head”, it would be a understantment to say that I was a little nervous.    

I was given a horse named Velvet for my first ride. I picked her because she was blonde and sweet, like me. My friends chose to ride the beautiful beasts Muddy, Solider Boy, Kia and my poor friend Erin got stuck with Lucy, who I heard the owner refer to as Lucifer when saying “make sure the new girl doesn’t get that one”.
I had been on a pony once when I was a kid. Boy, that was some adventure. We went in a circle, three times! I thought I had experienced the extent of what these creatures had to offer, but my friends assured me that this was going to be something I wouldn’t forget.
I was told I would be following the cowboy instructor and leading my pack of friends. He wanted me close by since I was the least experienced and the most sarcastic when it came to listening to his directions.

looking for my seat belt


expert riders


Our cowboy quickly gave us nicknames that he made up on the spot when yelling at us. He refered to my friend Megan as “Payless” after misreading her last name, Bayless. Payless was constantly being told to “keep up”. Her horse was huge and a little old and it didn’t really want to participate the in group activity. Erin’s name was usually shouted, followed by “If that mule doesn’t move just give it a kick!” Elizabeth and Emily rode behind me and weren’t usually talked to, since they knew what they were doing and just trotted along. I was refered to lovingly as “Blondie” and was told to steer my horse like a car and watch out for trees.    

"Payless" on Kia


The first part of the trail was easy enough, until we reached a steep hill covered in mud. We were told to lean back in our saddles and point our toes up so we didn’t fall off. It was quite the abdominal workout.    

Every once in a while we would stop for a second, mainly so our cowboy could yell at Erin, and our horses would try to eat whatever plant was in sight. Then wewould take off really fast and I would be forced to stand up a little on my horse, or face the consequences of a bruised butt later.
Going fast on the horse was thrilling, however I felt no control over Velvet whatsoever. In fact, I pretty much let her steer herself which is not what you are supposed to do. I learned my lesson when she got close enough to a tree for her to pass by it unharmed. She must have forgotten that I was on her. She would have never run my leg into a tree on purpose.

um, giddy up?


We wandered through the woods for 45 minutes. We went up hills, down hills and across streams.
“Come on Payless! Come on Erin!” our cowboy would yell at us as he practically sat backwards on this horse to observe our ride.  “Good job Blondie,” he would praise,  for I had not fallen off of the horse and killed myself… yet.
On the last leg of our trail our cowboy told us we would be moving quickly, and to again stand up a little on the horse to avoid being hit in the crotch. Here we go!
Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. EASY VELVET! GEEZ! Ouch. Ouch.
Pulling into the stables after a long ride was a relief. I really enjoyed myself, and I had gotten a good workout with tensing up my muscles and trying not to fall off and all.

playboy cowboy


Our cowboy was super excited that we wanted to get a photo with him. He referred to himself as “Playboy Cowboy” with a huge smile.
My adventure riding as horse was certainly a fun one. I didn’t expect that as soon as I got off of Velvet, I wanted to get back on immediately to keep riding.
But I knew I had to go home. I needed to take some aspirin and ice myself in unusual places.

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